Child of Mine, I Have Words for You

Words, words, words.

I have so many words for you, child of mine

I have words for your child too

I want to let you know what I know of the world

I want to give you comfort when you are reaching for the cure

I want you to know what my version of the truth is

I have words for you and I yearn to speak with you

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You murder me with your disinterest

You stab my heart with the shuttering of your eyes

There was a time when you vehemently wished for the sound of my voice

That time has passed and where did you go?

You are present, but judgmental, you have no use for history

Even when it is your own

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I’ve learned so much \ and wish to give it on

Wisdom hard won, needs no more from me

Can you use the wisdom, the knowledge, the experience

Have you dismissed the use of any that came before you?

I care nothing for information that any schoolchild can gain

I want to tell you life’s great mysteries and the price of love

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You murder me with your disinterest

You stab my heart with the shuttering of your eyes

You have traveled close by for the entirety of your life

Your body stays your mind doesn’t engage

           At least not with me

Child of mine, I have words for you

Pillars of Creation

Repeating, Wondering, Turning, Getting & Desiring

I am constantly repeating myself to doctors. I’m explaining my medication and my health goals. Doctors don’t listen very well.

I am wondering why doctors can’t understand a wholistic view of my health. Why must I go to so many doctors to get an understanding of what is happening with my body? Pain management, Rheumatologist, Endocrinologist, gastroenterologist, general practitioner, orthopaedic surgeon. Theoretically my GP should be managing all of the pieces of my health care and coordinating that care. I have never met a GP who was interested or prepared to do that.

I am turning to alternative medicine. These practitioners are kinder and more welcoming. They don’t have answers either, but at least they are interested. CBD oil anyone?

I am getting tired, indeed, I am exhausted by the pursuit of wellness. Sometimes the news is good, sometimes it is bad. Mental health is a problem. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia recently. Ugh.

I am desiring that my disability claim is approved. I have worked very hard all of my life. For over a decade I had two jobs. I went to school at night to increase my earnings. I have been working since 1972. Why would they deny my disability benefits? What work can I do with exhaustion and brain fog taking over my life. We manage my pain in a painful way: surgeries, cortisone shots, trigger point injections and Neurontin. I cannot function in a professional environment. Why is my claim for disability being denied. I desire fairness in this world.

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