I haven’t been any good at acceptance. I haven’t even been able to say that I can see my limitations. My self-identification has gone from “I’m strong.” to “I’m weak.” What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I realize that my life has changed and I don’t have a vote in how it has changed?
I can still be strong. I just need to find new ways. As for acceptance, I don’t know how I will get there. I’m still screaming and kicking and it’s been two years since diagnosis, the illness has been present much longer.
I do know this, in America, it sucks to be sick. Not only am I not healthy, but I am broke and overwhelmed with how financially disabling my illness is. I can’t wear make-up on most days and I certainly can’t function enough to work full time. No one wants to hear about my illness (not even my doctors). It’s always frustrating to be sick. America loves beauty and health and abhors the drag of chronic illness.
Every holiday extracts a huge price. I need a few days just to recover from all of the family festivities. It’s worth it, holidays are one of the things I can look forward to and enjoy completely.
Still figuring it out …